Psalms And Other Hugs From God

Going through an exceptionally challenging season in my life. It feels like there isn't an aspect of my life that isn't being tested, broken, refined or reconstructed. From my personal walk with the Lord to children to siblings to marriage to health to home to friendships to service I am called to. One of the things that is making me sad is that I don't have my funny right now. I do not feel funny. I am tired. So tired. I want my funny back. In the meantime, I will share these pieces of hope with you. Hope found only in the One True God.

I am meditating on Psalm 1 and it has been a challenge for me to take in what it has to say about a godly life. Specifically I will share with you verses 1-3 and my thoughts on this section. In the NLT translation it says this:

"Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with scoffers. But they delight in doing everything the Lord wants; day and night they think about his law. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail. Their leaves never wither, and in all they do, they prosper."

Of course I group myself in with the godly. I have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. Therefore, the blessings apply to me. Right? Well, hold on. It says they bear fruit in each season without fail, their leaves never wither, in all they do, they prosper. I thought, "Wait. That's not true...I do not bear fruit EACH season WITHOUT FAIL. I do have withering leaves. I do not prosper in EVERYTHING I do." So I had to go back... What this scripture is saying to me is those who do not follow the advice of the wicked [ever], or stand around with sinners [ever], or join in with scoffers [ever], but they delight in EVERYTHING the Lord wants; DAY AND NIGHT they think about His law - THESE people have the unfailing blessings described in verse 3. That would not, in fact, be me.

Now don't freak about me being too hard on myself and all that. I know there is no one righteous. No not one; that I will never be perfect and that Jesus paid the price for my shortcomings. However, God does not waste words. He wants me to strive for the ideal and He tells me clearly what could be lacking when I am not seeing the fullness of His blessings.

God also is a merciful, personal, loving God. And while I am going through all this muck in life and He is shedding light on my true heart, He is loving me in such personal ways. For example:

Directly across from this Psalm in my iWorship Devotional Bible is Psalm 3:3-6, "But you, O Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head high. I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain. I lay down and slept. I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me. I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies who surround me on every side." Can you say, "Big fat hug from Daddy"?? Every day when I am re-reading and pondering Psalm 1, I also get this sweet comfort from my Father.

That's not all. No. I received an email from a very dear woman who I have never met in person. She reads my blog. Much of my current muck is not blogged. She told me that God has been prompting her to pray for me for the last two weeks. She knows that something is going on in my life, but she doesn't know what. So she wanted me to know that she is praying for me. Can you say, "Big fat hug from my Daddy"?? That He cares so much about me that He would lay my struggles onto a sister in Christ (who I am guessing knows just how to pray for me even though she doesn't know - you know?)- HEY! Was that funny? A little maybe.

Advice: Don't shy away from the work, if God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. My son gave me this Scripture - Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..." not full verse (that's his little notation :0) *sigh* dreamy.

Our ladies Bible study will not meet the week following Easter so, in worship, we are focusing on the resurrection a little bit early (according to the calendar year). Here is what we will be lifting up tomorrow:

Wonderful Maker

Gadzooks! Have I said lately that I am tired?? Well I AM. But this post is not about that. Well...maybe it is a little bit. Today Alana posted about the 'itis' and boy have I been suffering from several strains of it! I think this is partially why I am having such a hard time with my part in this recording thing. Also, partially because it is truth that I have heard much better from other artists, that when played on my laptop the sound is not as good as in the studio, and given all the time and money in the world and a little more knowledge about the process this effort could be much better. All things considered, it will hopefully bring glory to God and bless my husband who's copy is on its way to war as I write. I will probably post another day about the process, what songs we recorded, the cost involved, and how much fun we had, how hard it was, how long it took - and maybe some more pictures and possibly another video (although this one sapped all the patience clean out of me and now I have makingvideosisdumbitis). I'll make you a deal though. If you hear this song (and this is probably the one I consider the best) and you think, "I like the sound of tree fairies with friends who do well", then I will send you a CD. OR email you mp3 files. (which would be freer for me)

Wow. Is There Another Word For Wow?

What can I say? "WOW" I am blessed. "WOW" I am exhausted. "WOW" This parenting gig is hard. "WOW" My man is hot. "WOW" I am exhausted. "WOW" There is a wrong transmission fluid? "WOW" It costs $130 to turn some rotors around? "WOW" I am so behind on other peoples' blogs. "WOW" Stormie Omaritan is rocking my world! "WOW" How did I GET that big?? "WOW" I am exhausted."WOW" Good Songs is the best title you could come up with for your first 'album'?

On Sunday a superhero of a friend kept 4 children in addition to her own toddler so that 2 other of my friends who very graciously gave up their afternoon and evening could go into the studio with me. They also graciously did not ask me to pay them for their services. They are excessively talented artists and really fun to be around and really precious to me! I discovered that I sound just like a tree fairy. (Or what I imagine a tree fairy would sound like {if they actually existed}.) And I am actually repulsed by the sound of my own voice. Good thing I am not my audience! God loves to be worshiped with a joyful noise. Here is a picture of our merriment....whichever one you think is the cutest, you can pretend that's me...

I would love it if you could tell me another word that could have the same use and mean the same thing as "WOW"

How Deep IS This hole?

Ugh. The hole is getting deeper. And I am tired....so tired...

BUT HEAR THIS! God is doing mighty works. Growing pains are called growing pains because they are so fun and sweet. NO! Because they are painful. Cliches are cliches because there is universal truth in them. But do you want to stay 2 foot 4 for your entire life? How will you reach the counter at Starbucks?
Today our study was talking about Elijah and how he had come up against all the dumb prophets of Baal and how Elijah was this big talker and had this huge success with God. And then the next day a lady with a bad temper sent him a note threatening his life and he ran away scared and asking to die. (into a cave mind you. where I would like to join him for a lengthy nap). But God sent an angel to him and what did the angel say? He said, "GET UP". and then some other stuff - but you have to start with GET UP.
You don't get to quit because you are scared or tired or unhappy. You get up. You eat and prepare for the long journey(yes, you get to rest - A LITTLE BIT). And then you trust God and go.
PFT.

Ah, Irony - So We Meet Again (epic)

A couple of months ago I received a speeding ticket. For those of you that know me now, you must be pretty shocked. I was too. I have changed quite a bit since my youth. I am a lover of rules. I obey the law. And I am the one being pulled over by a state trooper and accused of doing 79 mph in a 65 mph zone. I literally questioned the status of the man's equipment. "Can we be certain that your equipment is working properly? Because you see, I had my cruise control engaged at 65 - so either there is something wrong with your equipment, or there is something wrong with my equipment." We don't even need to discuss what his opinion was on the subject. So, I took my equipment to its manufacturer and asked them to inspect it for proper functioning. Hm. Working within specs. As I am trying to gather information, everyone I speak to is of the attitude that the best thing that I can do is approach the District Attorney and ask if he/she would be willing to reduce the charges in order to keep it off my record and because it's just a speeding ticket - it's not worth what you would have to do to defend and you are most likely going to lose anyway because he is a Master Trooper and his equipment is basically infallible. So, the attitude of most people is, "It's just a speeding ticket." And because of that attitude, I have come to the conclusion that it is harder to defend yourself against a traffic ticket than against a capital crime.(Just this side of impossible in fact. Unless you are willing to pour thousands of dollars into it and cause others to lose time at work as well - and even then it doesn't look good) What???? Yes, I said it. Pay attention to the irony. Because it is 'just a traffic ticket' those involved in the process don't find it worth the time, money and effort it would involve to try it. So - that's it. You're guilty. OR, you can plead guilty to a lesser crime and pay less money. Okay. As a lover of rules, I cannot say that I did something that I did not do. So, this morning, tormented by my crutches and the farness of EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD, I went to defend myself against my speeding ticket. I had with me my side of the story, a copy of the repair order stating that my vehicle was checked by a factory certified mechanic and found to be working within factory specs, a copy of my spotless driving record, and of course my crutches. The ADA called my name and offered to take me to another room to confer with me. By take me, I do not in any way mean that he was going to sweep me up like Rhett Butler, carry me to this mysterious other room and offer to sweep this whole business under the rug. No, I mean he wanted me to "walk with him" as he put it - outside of the courtroom and into another area so we could discuss the matter without disturbing the current proceedings. Yay. So he makes me lean there on my crutches as he explains to me what I am charged with and what he is willing to do and has authority to do about the matter. "At this stage I do not have the authority to dismiss the case." (AKA - you have pushed us this far and now you must pay) "I can however talk to the trooper about reducing the charge to 70 in a 65 and wave the fine so you would only have to pay the court costs (you'll laugh about this later) If you are willing to plead guilty to that." He further explained to me that the 'evidence' I have brought with me is all hearsay and inadmissable in court, but that he is 'all for' giving those who want it their day in court. Okay. Sir. I do not want my day in court, or anyone else's day in court, I don't want to be here at all. However, I cannot stand in front of a judge and say that I did something that I did not do. That is lying. Purgery. A crime.(Yes I know I'm being dramatic). "Well perhaps you could plead 'no contest'". "What does that mean?" "Well basically, it will be treated the same as a guilty plea or guilty verdict, but you will not be actually admitting guilt. And then you will be responsible for the court costs, but I will waive the fine for the ticket." So, I ask him this question and that question about the effect that will have on my record, pocket book, insurance, reputation, etc etc. So he says, "Let me go talk to the trooper and see if he'll agree." "Okay. May I please go sit down now?" "Haha - yes." Have they STRETCHED the courthouse since I've been leaning for the last ten minutes?! WHERE did they move the mo crackin' courtroom to?? So I get seated and listen in on a trial for a man who is pleading guilty to a second offense of dwi. And I am so saddened by the whole situation and prompted to pray on the spot for this man by name. (This happened the day I went for my arraignment too, I was able to pray for so many people I never would have otherwise come in contact with as I was the VERY LAST person to be arraigned.) So, the ADA comes back to me and grins and says, "Walk with me" teehee. Oh yes, cute. We go back to the room of negotiation and he says, "The trooper says it would be fine with him; that you hadn't given him any trouble and he was agreeable," etc etc. *At this point I can hear my Mother exclaiming while rolling her eyes, "Oh NO! Here comes another one of Judi's lectures!"* And here is the 'lecture'. I explained to the ADA very politely that from the moment I received the ticket, there was basically no help for me, etc etc, blah blah blah - make up your own rant here - I'm too tired to type the whole conversation. Anyway, I agreed to plead 'no contest' to a charge of 70 in a 65 and in my mind there WAS no contest - can't be a contest if it's not a fair fight. Whatever. :{ I think I'm getting crankier. So I listen to a couple more cases and pray for the people and the ADA calls my case before the judge. He explains the terms of our agreement to the judge and the judge is clearly irritated by this waste of everyone's time. "Are you in agreement with this?" "Yes sir." "Do you understand that you will be treated as though you were guilty?" "Yes sir." AND I JUMPED UP AND DOWN AND SCREAMED, "I'M JUST AS DISGUSTED BY THIS AS YOU ARE JUDGE BUT WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO? OFFER A BRIBE? PFT." Okay, really, that only happened in my head. And I also imagined using my crutches as missiles - I want to get rid of them anyway. So he asks, "You understand that you have to pay the court costs?" "Yes I do." "So that's $128 or 15 days in jail." WHOA! THERE WENT A MISSILE! RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND. Okay not really. BUT SERIOUSLY, "IF THIS IS 'JUST A TRAFFIC TICKET' WHY ARE YOU WILLING TO PUT ME IN JAIL OVER IT FOR 15 DAYS???" Fine, I didn't say that either. "Can you pay that now?" There was a slight, and thankfully undetectable chuckle from me as I said, "Yes sir I can." Why did I chuckle? Well, the thought directly before I opened my mouth was, "Oh. I can go to jail for 15 days and not have to pay the court costs? They don't let children in jail." So, the Judge accepts my plea - albeit annoyed - and directs me to go sit and wait in another area of the courtroom. Yay. So I start heading over there, spectacle that I am and the Sheriff lets me navigate steps into this gallery seating and almost lets me meet the axis of gravity to get my booty into a seat when he asks, "Are you ready to go over and take care of that now?" *alarm, alarm, alarm...* He said, are you ready to 'GO OVER'....GO OVER WHERE?????? Eh, hem - to pay your fees, fines, whatever - you have to go down 3 floors, out of the courthouse, ACROSS THE STREET, UP SOME STEPS, around and about into the JAIL and then go up 3 floors to the 'pay or stay' area. I responded, well yes, I would love to do that. Would it be possible first, because I just love the exercise I am getting, if I could travel BACK ACROSS THE COURTROOM TO MY ORIGINAL SEAT and collect my belongings that I had to leave there whilst being tried? Well, yes. do that. ME = 'oh thank you so much you handsome, tall, strong, strapping group of very helpful State Troopers who pity me enough to hold open the swingy partition things while I hobble through, but care not enough to not give me a stinking ticket.' Okay, so me and my new friends, the Sheriff and the DWI guy who has to pay or stay go off to jail together. Have I mentioned that the jailhouse was in MARYLAND(aka across the street)? Why are these crutches so heavy? What are they made out of? The lost city of gold?? And why can't I breathe? And why do my arms burn so bad? All right, I kid you not....here is my thought as the three musketeers are traversing our way through the biggest mountains I have ever seen in my life (aka - curbs and stairs) "If I stay at the jailhouse and just serve the 15 days, I won't have to crutch the continent back to my car that is parked in Antarctica." I'm going to skip the 'you, although being escorted by an armed professional who does this every day, came to the wrong area of the jail' incidents and the 'Betty, this ticket must be in the old system, do we want to put it in the new system while this exhausted and wronged woman leans here on her crutches because she is so lame that she fell?' and get to the part about how I made it back to my car without crying, or falling - although I did stop. A lot. On the way home, I was thinking about how I would blog and the whole situation of what went down and did I sell out or not, etc etc and I was talking to God about it and wondering, "Did You allow all this just so that I would go and pray for those people? Seems quite a bit of suffering on my part." God said, "Would you have gone if I had just asked?" pft. I am exhausted and my whole body hurts and I am weary. I am going to pray,then lay, and hopefully dream my cares away and rest in the promise from Matthew 11:28, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."