Here I Am ~ Epic Post

"This will be a daily Hamper Scamper post."

HA!

How about ANY post AT ALL??
Just call me underachiever and let's all move on. Shall we? I have been doing fairly well keeping up with the chores, and my family has been good about helping too. Things are starting to feel more normal around the house and a lot has happened since I last posted.

*TMI warning*

My Dad came for a lovely visit and we all spent many days in heated and mostly good-natured battle at various card, board and Wii games. He took my son fishing and even caught some catfish. Thankfully the farm where they caught the fish did all the fish preparation and they brought home only the fillets. Then my Dad taught us how to cook and eat the fish. I tried a bite, decided that it tasted like this fish ate dirt and that was enough for me. This is a picture of my Dad from his visit. As you can see he is a camera hog. Really loves having his picture taken.

I managed to get to Worship Team and Choir rehearsals at FUMC(and my Dad went too!) and am back on track finally (at least for now) serving both services and loving it.

I had my girly appointment with the girl who would be my favorite doctor if she were, say, my podiatrist. Sadly, she is my specialty Gynecologist and so she therefore, by default, cannot be my favorite. She asked me if there was any change and I said no. She allowed me to tell her excitedly how through the telling to you all of my gynecological history I came upon the realization about the catheter installation possibly being related to my current ailment and she grinned at me and gave me that look that people give me when they see my zeal and are afraid if they don't make nice, a limb of mine might fly off or something. I am so excited and I say, "So....I think if we just cauterize the thing or something like that and get it over with, then I can go on my merry way ~ happily ever after." She became a little less shiny in my eyes when she replied, "I would like you to go see the specialist." He is a gynecologist with urological background (or something like that) we'll call him my urogyno just for fun. She says he'll probably want to take a look inside the bladder with a camera. *jumping off the highest point of the Grand Canyon in my imagination* That, my friends, is called a Cystoscopy. It is a nasty business; humiliating, embarrassing, disgusting, uncomfortable, humbling, and strangely fascinating ~ that you have to be awake and un-numbed for. I tried to defend my personal space by pointing out that my Urologist had already done this procedure and that I could personally vouch for the interior of my bladder being in tip-top, working condition. I saw it after all. On the TV. In.real.time. She said, "Yes, I know. But Dr. Urogyno will want to see for himself."
I know that a good doctor will want to see my history and read what all the other invaders doctors have tried, tested, poked, prodded and postulated and then will want to do these things for his/her own self. And it truly is my prayer that he is a competent doctor who will have the diagnosis AND the solution right there in his Urogyno brain. But secretly, in a little corner of my tender little heart, I want him to say, "I know from reading your file that you need to take this one little pill. One time. It will heal the tip of your crazy little Urethra. It will not make you gain weight. In fact, it will make you lose weight. All of the extra you have, but not one pound more. Losing that weight will cause your breasts to once again be perky, yet voluptuous, and not one bit saggy. And also, it will make it so you never have to have another well-woman exam again in your life. Cause after all, you have no cervix and no uterus."
But that's just me.
I asked her if she could please prescribe me something to help me sleep and she agreed. Also, she made me have the whole pelvic, breast exam. And as a parting gift gave me the order to schedule my first, baseline Mammogram. Oh the absolute rapture. Maybe I can get it the day before or the day after seeing Dr. Urogyno just so I can have a fun-packed week. Perhaps I will start some sort of count ~ how many strangers can touch parts of me that I tell all my children never to let strangers touch! Okay ~ maybe nobody would be interested in that. At least nobody I really want to associate with. She told me that she had called and tried to put in the referral but was told by TriCare that I have to go to my Primary Care Manager to get the referral approved. That usually means being 'seen' by a doctor, in other words ~ examined ~ so that they can say, "Yes indeed, she should go see the specialist for an exam." But God stepped in and provided mercy for me and I was able to get the referral approved through mere begging phone calls. Hallelujah! Perhaps this week I will get the letter and I can make my appointment. Did I mention that I have to drive 3 hours one way to go see Dr. Urogyno?

So, the renovations to the east wing are mostly done. What we're working on now is finish work. Last sanding, one more coat, trim and the like. I can start posting pictures for you now if you'd like ~ or you can wait until it is completely finished. You just let me know your preference. I am really loving the change I must say. When we completely complete the east wing renovations, we will begin on the west end of the house which includes the master bedroom. We are still trying to figure out if we can improve the bathrooms without actually adding on to the house. (We hate roofing! ~ to prove it, I'll show you a picture of my misery roofing this house....)


What else has been going on? The price of gas and plane tickets! Geez. GGG and I have decided that this year we will be road tripping to Chicas of Faith. It's about 1400 miles. I can't understand why everyone I discuss this with gets that 'oh geez! her limb is going to fly off' look. We have an unfair disadvantage as the worship leaders; we travel with our instruments. You have to pay for your luggage people. So, we automatically have TWO suitcases to pay for. GGG showed off in one of her recent posts about how she bought a new backpacker. The hater. However, nothing compares to your full-size, rich sounding, favorite guitar. Just nothing. We will be driving through some absolutely beautiful country in the midst of my favorite season. Plus, if we can actually pull it off without turning me into a complete lunatic(traveling beats me down) - we will get extra days of fellowship together. (I mean - the Cali girls all get to travel together, why shouldn't we?) And maybe, if she brings her backpacker too - we can rehearse in the car on the way to PA. I have already put in the request to my husband to trick out my little trailer to carry our luggage, and also to make improvements to my sound system to make my minivan bumpin'.

My brother is still very ill and still very much in need of your prayers for his salvation. He has been in the hospital for a week and says he nearly had to have his arm amputated due to an infection associated with his dialysis. He is lonely and frightened and lacks control over what is going on with him. He needs a Savior. As we all do.

I apologize to you that I have not only not been commenting on your posts, I have barely so much as lurked. I promise you that I do think of you daily. I am still going crazy, although as I said before, things are improving, and I really am doing the best I can. School starts again in a couple of weeks and we will be back into a regular routine. More progress. Praise the Lord.

Me And My Girl Problems Hysterversary Edition

*TMI WARNING - this post will contain personal details that you may not want to know*

Today marks the third anniversary of my admission to Christus Schumpert Cancer Treatment Center to have a giant mass, along with my uterus and cervix, removed. At this point, we didn't know if the mass was benign or malignant. It occurred to me that you 3 people who are following this story have no idea whether I lived or died. I suppose today is an appropriate day to tell you what happened. They took me to a surgery holding area and gave me some sort of sedative (as I remember it). After I was unconscious they did the surgery prep. How cool is that right? I was blissfully unaware that people were shaving my nether-regions, installing a catheter into my bladder, rubbing me with cold brown anti-septic, etc. etc.
The next thing I remember, I was in a room in a lot of pain and rapidly pushing a button with my thumb. Someone was speaking to me, and I think she was saying, "It won't work now - you've had all you can have for the hour..." I was in the recovery room, waking up from anaesthesia. Trying to get pain relief. Because apparently when you have your abdomen cut open from your belly button to your C-Section scar, it is rather painful. At some point, I guess they decided I was lucid enough to be taken to my room which I would be staying in for the next 5 days. My husband and Cousin Amber were there waiting for me. I tend to think of this as the room of doom. Somewhere in the walls of my room, there was an entire construction crew; hammering, sawing, drilling and stomping. I kid you not, the noise was so loud that we couldn't even carry on a conversation. As a team we talked to several nurses and officials of the hospital in order to get me moved. I mean, honestly - WHO in their right minds puts a person recovering from major surgery into a room where they can't possibly rest?? Some hours later they moved me to a much quieter area of the hospital. The next morning when my doctor came in to check on me, he entered the room yelling, "Damn lady! I have been looking all over for you!" I said, "Did you just CURSE?" He went on to explain to me that yes he did curse, he went to my room to find me and I wasn't there. Apparently he had an adventure finding me as well. So anyway, I finally got the chance to ask him about my tumor. "Did you get pictures of it??" He said, "No, the camera in the surgery suite wasn't working." Can you hear my audible sigh of disappointment? Doesn't EVERYONE want to see their tumor?? I asked him to tell me about it then and he likened it to a small watermelon. I said, "No WONDER I was having trouble peeing! That thing was smashing everything!" He also told me that it would be sent off for biopsy, but he was certain that it was benign. If you can call smashing my bladder flat 'benign'. He said he would be back to check on me later.
I was really having issues with my catheter. It hurt all.the.time. They made a couple of different attempts to adjust it to no avail, so I finally just begged them to take it out and let me work out getting to the bathroom(although it was early for this step yet). And what I mean by me working out getting to the bathroom, I really mean my husband helping me in every step - because he is that kind of guy. I want to tell you all the funny and gross and embarrassing things that happened in those days that I spent in the hospital - but I have completely lost interest in telling this story. And I think I know why....
Flash forward to my current girl problems. We have been unable to determine why I am having pain at the tip of my urethra. I think, that possibly - when they installed the catheter, they may have injured my urethra. There would have been no way for me to tell them that they were hurting me because I was unaware at the time, and I spent the next months on pretty intense pain medication. Then my husband left for a year tour in Korea.
So much time had passed, I completely forgot about the whole thing. Until, that is, I started recounting the story of my Total Abdominal Hysterectomy.(which by the way ~ does not include the ovaries. Why they call it 'total' I have no idea. The little trouble-makers are still there maintaining hormonal chaos in my system)
From the time that my husband returned from Korea to the time that he deployed to Iraq (1 year) I went to doctor after doctor and test after test trying to determine what was going on and how to fix it. I am now pretty convinced that my urethra was injured by that catheter ~ and had I not been recounting the hysterectomy story - I don't know if I ever would have made the connection. We had been at a stand-still until now, my doctor and I having agreed that we would wait and see if the condition would heal on its own while my husband was gone. It has not. I go see my doctor in July and I get to tell her what I have remembered. I also get to have a well-woman exam. I may have said this before, but I will say it again, "That is just wrong! I have no uterus and no cervix. Leave me alone for pete's sake!" Apparently no womb is not a get-out-of-pap-free card. Wrong. Just wrong.

*The tumor was benign*

Me And My Girl Problems

**TMI WARNING**

This post will contain personal information that you may find is way more than you ever wanted to know about me. You may want to turn away now and wait to come back for another day.

I went to the Casting Crowns concert last night, and of course, I have a lot to say about it - but it seems this morning the thing at the forefront of my mind is my gynecologist.

I have my own gynecologist. Some of you women may not understand why this is special, however, if you are or have been ever - a military spouse - you know that any time you see the same doctor more than once it is a shock and a surprise. This can be especially hard for me as I loathe people touching me and the more 'personal' it gets, the worse it is. Magnify that with it being a different pair of hands every time, and you have the makings of a girl who would just about rather die of a horrible disease than go and let someone figure out what it is and find a cure for it. Toward the end of 2004, I noticed that I was getting....well....fatter. It had nothing to do with a possible pregnancy because I had my tubes tied the day I had the twins removed from my womb. (I will post about that experience sometime too) I kept saying (and no one believed me) I bet I am one of those women who has a giant tumor but you just think you're getting fat. In early 2005 I started noticing some symptoms that weren't necessarily painful - just wrong. I couldn't pee right, and other activities were being impeded. Thing is - it was nearly time for my annual trip with the Chicas and so there was no way I was going to be starting the whole going to the doctor thing until I had had my trip. You've GOT to have your priorities straight for heaven's sake. That was the year that we went to the Women Of Faith conference at the CenturyTel Center in Bossier City, Louisiana (which may be why this is all coming to mind now - cause I was just there last night for the Casting Crowns concert). After I returned from my trip, the doctor visits began. I started at my MTF (Military Treatment Facility) where I saw a doctor who did a pelvic exam and recommended a vaginal ultra sound. Oh joy. After this test, I was sent for another - mri's, ct scans, blood tests; At some point I got referred to a Gynecologist in town. I love her. Is it wrong to say that about your gynecologist? Anyway, that was in April or May of 2005. She did a pelvic exam - of course. She found a giant mass. She said currently my uterus was the size of a 5 month pregnancy. "I'll be honest here," she says, "I want you to be prepared for cancer. The thing that alarms me is its size and the rate at which it has grown. I am going to refer you up to Shreveport to a gynecological oncologist. You are probably looking at a hysterectomy and it needs to be done soon." Do you know what I heard? 2 things: 1. "Someone else is going to be in your business." 2. "You were right all along. FACE!" Do I care about cancer? No. Do I care about 'losing my womanhood' (oh please). No. I just care that I was right and that someone else has to be in my business. Yes folks, I am special. The tagline of my life will probably be something like be odd, be extreme; or don't bother. So, went up to my gyno-oncologist and the first visit to his office, my husband and I were sitting in the waiting room and this sweet lady came into the office bearing a tray of ICE CREAM. FOR FREE. FOR ME. How can ANYthing be wrong with the world when they bring you ice cream right to your seat? In the waiting room. Fully clothed. Having not even been touched yet. My guy was a matter of fact, no time for pleasantries - although somehow, not UNpleasant. We discussed hysterectomy, I'll have to go in abdominally due to the size of this thing. I said - no drama man, there is a place right down there where they took the babies out. You can use that spot - and tummy tuck me while you're at it. He says no. The size of the thing and its placement and what it is doing to the rest of you is rather tricky. I am going to have to make an incision from your belly button down to that c-section scar and try to do my work that way. It is rather delicate work and I need to be able to move around and take great care with this thing or that thing so as not to kill you off. Me = so...you won't do a tummy tuck? He says no. Pft. What are you taking out? We'll take your uterus and your cervix and leave your ovaries. At this point - I have done some research about hysterectomies, the different types of them and what the possible repercussions are of all. I say - how about you take the ovaries too? He says no. You have at least 20 good years left on those puppies so we'll leave them in. (He said that! I am not paraphrasing!) They're just a bunch of trouble anyway. My pms is way out of control and it seems like it could benefit me to have control of that hormone thing through medication. He says no. I am going to stop for now and watch a movie with my chillins....suddenly I'm rather tired.