Sunday, April 6, 2008

Me And My Girl Problems

**TMI WARNING**
This post will contain personal information that you may find is way more than you ever wanted to know about me. You may want to turn away now and wait to come back for another day.
I went to the Casting Crowns concert last night, and of course, I have a lot to say about it - but it seems this morning the thing at the forefront of my mind is my gynecologist.
I have my own gynecologist. Some of you women may not understand why this is special, however, if you are or have been ever - a military spouse - you know that any time you see the same doctor more than once it is a shock and a surprise. This can be especially hard for me as I loathe people touching me and the more 'personal' it gets, the worse it is. Magnify that with it being a different pair of hands every time, and you have the makings of a girl who would just about rather die of a horrible disease than go and let someone figure out what it is and find a cure for it. Toward the end of 2004, I noticed that I was getting....well....fatter. It had nothing to do with a possible pregnancy because I had my tubes tied the day I had the twins removed from my womb. (I will post about that experience sometime too) I kept saying (and no one believed me) I bet I am one of those women who has a giant tumor but you just think you're getting fat. In early 2005 I started noticing some symptoms that weren't necessarily painful - just wrong. I couldn't pee right, and other activities were being impeded. Thing is - it was nearly time for my annual trip with the Chicas and so there was no way I was going to be starting the whole going to the doctor thing until I had had my trip. You've GOT to have your priorities straight for heaven's sake. That was the year that we went to the Women Of Faith conference at the CenturyTel Center in Bossier City, Louisiana (which may be why this is all coming to mind now - cause I was just there last night for the Casting Crowns concert). After I returned from my trip, the doctor visits began. I started at my MTF (Military Treatment Facility) where I saw a doctor who did a pelvic exam and recommended a vaginal ultra sound. Oh joy. After this test, I was sent for another - mri's, ct scans, blood tests; At some point I got referred to a Gynecologist in town. I love her. Is it wrong to say that about your gynecologist? Anyway, that was in April or May of 2005. She did a pelvic exam - of course. She found a giant mass. She said currently my uterus was the size of a 5 month pregnancy. "I'll be honest here," she says, "I want you to be prepared for cancer. The thing that alarms me is its size and the rate at which it has grown. I am going to refer you up to Shreveport to a gynecological oncologist. You are probably looking at a hysterectomy and it needs to be done soon." Do you know what I heard? 2 things: 1. "Someone else is going to be in your business." 2. "You were right all along. FACE!" Do I care about cancer? No. Do I care about 'losing my womanhood' (oh please). No. I just care that I was right and that someone else has to be in my business. Yes folks, I am special. The tagline of my life will probably be something like be odd, be extreme; or don't bother. So, went up to my gyno-oncologist and the first visit to his office, my husband and I were sitting in the waiting room and this sweet lady came into the office bearing a tray of ICE CREAM. FOR FREE. FOR ME. How can ANYthing be wrong with the world when they bring you ice cream right to your seat? In the waiting room. Fully clothed. Having not even been touched yet. My guy was a matter of fact, no time for pleasantries - although somehow, not UNpleasant. We discussed hysterectomy, I'll have to go in abdominally due to the size of this thing. I said - no drama man, there is a place right down there where they took the babies out. You can use that spot - and tummy tuck me while you're at it. He says no. The size of the thing and its placement and what it is doing to the rest of you is rather tricky. I am going to have to make an incision from your belly button down to that c-section scar and try to do my work that way. It is rather delicate work and I need to be able to move around and take great care with this thing or that thing so as not to kill you off. Me = so...you won't do a tummy tuck? He says no. Pft. What are you taking out? We'll take your uterus and your cervix and leave your ovaries. At this point - I have done some research about hysterectomies, the different types of them and what the possible repercussions are of all. I say - how about you take the ovaries too? He says no. You have at least 20 good years left on those puppies so we'll leave them in. (He said that! I am not paraphrasing!) They're just a bunch of trouble anyway. My pms is way out of control and it seems like it could benefit me to have control of that hormone thing through medication. He says no. I am going to stop for now and watch a movie with my chillins....suddenly I'm rather tired.

7 comments:

Sheryl said...

I have NO idea how I just landed here but...I have almost the identical story. (well you haven't finished but at least so far). Hadn't thought about blogging about it, now if I ever feel the need to share my story I can just point them in your direction. HA I'm hoping you'll write the end of the story soon and that it all turned out well. Mine did not end up being cancer!

You are a great writer, now I'll go back and read some more. Have a great week.
Sheryl

Marsha said...

Okay...CERTAINLY the movie is over by now! Don't keep a woman in suspense!

}}a no touch hug {{

His Girl said...

I'm totally reading this all on the edge of my seat, like I had never heard the story before! hahaha. a testimony to your writing skillz.

how on earth do you make an emergency hysterectomy funny? FACE!

XOXOXO (those are touchy hugs and kisses. you know you love it!)

Vindiciti said...

I wanna know how you can:
1. Start talking about a Casting Crowns concert and not bring it up as anything but a reference to your gyno fun.

2. Not finish your story. !?!?!?!?!

and

3. Not TELL anyone there was a Casting Crowns concert nearby, thereby being selfish and not SHARING THEM!! I wanna go! WAAAAAHHHH!

Is this some kind of payback for accidentally touching you for our group prayer on Friday?

-big fat pouty lip-

IdahoAngie said...

Cuz o mine you are so totally in my prayers. I will be calling my Pastor soon as it's a decent hour of the morning and asking him to put you on the prayer list. I have a friend that is going through the same thing right now. Wanted to see her when I go to Arizona(she lives in Texas) but she can't make it out because she is having a hysterectomy on the
23rd.

BIG HUGS AND PRAYERS!!

Jenster said...

Okay. So I know the highlights of this story already, but here I am - SUCKED IN!

FACE!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Girlfriend!!

Yeah. That's all I got because you leave me speechless!!

I HEART YOU!

God's Guitar Girl said...

Oh I KNOOOOWW you DI'N'T!!! You'd better get your happy keister back up on this mutha and finish yo' story!!

FACE!!!... Pft, please...

:)