Monday, April 14, 2008

Me And My Girl Problems Part Troix

Once again - TMI warning -

*Waves* Hi all! It’s Amber from His Girl’s Blog! S4J asked me to chime in on this story… you’ll see my additions in pink… this should be fun!!!
It has been bothering me the last several days why I am having such a hard time remembering the details of the time around my surgery, and I think I figured out at least part of it today....I WAS UNCONSCIOUS for a good deal of it. The time that I wasn't unconscious I was heavily medicated. Of COURSE I'm not going to remember it all. I didn't EXPERIENCE it all. Of course, those of us who were not drugged (That’d be Mr.S4J and myself) won’t soon forget. It was QUITE a time, that’s for sure.
Now back to the story...At the moment that the doctor's office said they did not have the approval yet and the Doctor really wants to wait so as not to cause you financial harm, I think there was an audible crack. I hung up the phone. Hung my head. And sobbed. Amber was immediately at my side. Saying words of comfort and strength; God's timing is perfect. We don't want to step outside of His will and go too soon. Don’t I sound like a saint here? That’s not how I remember it at all. I remember thinking… I don’t know what to say! I don’t know what to do! Father! Help me! And if anything was said after that, it was not me but Christ in me. I think at that moment, my husband was equally as glad as I was that she was there. I don't think the poor man knew what to do with me and I KNOW I didn't know what to do with me. She prayed over me and things were quickly back under control. If that was the only moment that she could have been there for - it would have been enough. THIS however, was just the beginning of the fun. My husband was a rock. He drove way far to get her from the airport and take her back, he worked so hard to take care of the children and take care of me and he was so gracious to also allow me to have fun times with my Chica. I haven't really heard this from his perspective, but I think she helped keep him afloat too. It’s true, Mr. S4J was a wonderful comfort to me, and he behaved very bravely even though he was scared to death. Amber thinks I am gross (her word)True.. I laugh at the vile (her word) I have a slightly twisted sense of humor, and generally, she would prefer life to be Just slightly, sweetie… and you know I love you for your macabre, dark, disturbing funny bone. However, she indulged me in all things grossly funny and even took some pictures for me. We decided that we were going to approach this with humor. Or, maybe it wasn't a conscious decision, maybe it was just what we did. We like themes. We work well with themes. They give direction to our creative energies. Our Theme for Hysterectomy 2005? Proverbs 17:22, "A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." We decided that we would make name-tags for all the people that cared for me. We got little wooden hearts, painted them with a bandaid and the Proverbs reference, hot-glued a pin to the back and whenever someone new came in who was responsible for caring for me, they got a name-tag. Custom printed by none other than the queen of fonts - HisGirl. We shopped for things that would help my scrapbooking of the whole event and found a whole page of pregnancy stickers that could be interchanged with the alien pod condition I was in.

I guess this is where I am picking up the story. After all the fun and business of getting ready for the big surgery day, we had to face a certain reality. S4J was truly going to actually have to go through with the surgery. Though that was a sobering realization, Judi was brave and funny and inspiring as usual.

At some point, we got the go-ahead from the insurance for the surgery, and packed up the vehicle to head out to the hospital. Before the procedure, we had some serious tasks to undertake. In order to clean out her system, S4J had a prescription for something called Go-Lytley. which is the most ironic thing because, as the lady at the counter of the pharmacy so delicately pointed out… “Oh you’ll be going alright, but there won’t be nothinlyte about it!” The poor people in the pharmacy just didn’t know what to make of our hysterical laughter… but their dirty looks did nothing to calm us down. Neither did the pharmacist’s confidentiality vow to S4J- “we promise not to tell anyone you’ll be going lytley tonight!”

The next part of the story is graphic, personal, and gross. Just up S4J’s alley- Ball’s in your court, my friend! *bows* I’m out for now!

Ahhh Go-Lytely.... This is a lie. A complete and total lie. For this particular abdominal surgery, my doctor required me to clear my bowels of anything toxic that could poison me should something accidentally get nicked during surgery. This product comes in a convenient gallon jug. All you do is fill it with water. to the top. all the way. to the top of the gallon. Shake well and get to drinkin'. I had to begin drinking it at a certain time in the evening and had to drink it all within 2 hours. The goal is to have completely clear movements. HEY - I warned you this would be gross! Hubby prepared each 'cocktail' for me and patiently told me to drink up. Amber's job was to capture a picture as I came out of the bathroom for that moment when I yelled, "CLEAR!!"

People... I have to tell you that there are a few situations that stand out as the absolute worst parts of this whole ordeal, and the Go-Lytely is one of those. For me it became like drinking weak lemonade tainted with charcoal. A whole gallon of it. It made me feel really ill with nausea, shivers, and of course - diarrhea. Having my cheering section there helped get me through it and I was finally able to declare "CLEAR!!"

I have been ill since Wednesday, *with a gripping fever hot enough to make me feel sorry for myself - 99.9* and I am now worn out. I will post this installment, and pick up again the morning of the surgery.


Suzanne said...

Glad you posted the next part of the story, but sorry you're not feeling well. Hope you feel better very soon!

His Girl said...

why is this making me laugh? it's NOT FUNNY!!!


Becky said...

This was such a great way to do a post...with a couple of perspectives! And what a great idea to approach it all with humor, and the pins for the staff, etc. You all handled it all with such aplomb!

I'll pray you're feeling better soon. It's miserable being sick and out of commission.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

I am LOVING this. :) Is that sick and twisted??

Halfmoon Girl said...

I am a twisted Canadian girl, I guess, because I am picturing you hollering clear like they do on ER and it is cracking me up! The whole story is not funny, but I appreciate your humorous parts!

Jenster said...

I love your grossness!! Truly!! I also love Amber's perspective.

I'm sorry you're feeling under the weather. I hope that fever isn't making you delerious...

Alana said...

I guess I'm a little more like Amber and prefer things on the delicate side, but I'm hangin' far. I imagine it was such a comfort to have Amber there!

God's Guitar Girl said...

You know what a sick, twisted puppy I am!!! Bring it on!!!

Shauna said...

This sounds very similar to what my mom had to do for some certain tests. Twice.

And, yeah, I'm laughing, too. Not at the reality of it, but the way you're telling it. Or co-telling it with Amber. :-)