Monday, March 31, 2008

I Have Faxed

Are there things in your life that you have avoided thus far for one reason or another - rational or not? Such as getting a cell phone because you are afraid that you will accidentally call Tokyo. Or getting a pedicure because you have an irrational fear that the lady across the room getting her hair done will notice your toenails and judge you? I have some of these. One of them being the battery charger. I simply cannot bring myself to use it. Although the poor suburban lies barely grasping at life and refuses to start and my husband assures me that it's as simple as cutting a slice of banana cream pie (Okay he said nothing about the pie) I cannot bring myself to even try to find the appropriate cables or whatever and follow the instructions on the charger(and also the 3 sets that my husband has attempted to give me). I feel as though at this time, I just do not have it in me to even fail at it one single time and still be sane, so I have not tried at all.
What? Did you think that was my only 'ism? Have you READ my blog before? So, one of the other things that I have been sorely avoiding - even to the point of paying for the service elsewhere, or avoiding it all-together causing a near financial disaster (to my shame and consternation) is using our Dell machine of wonderment to fax something. I have conquered most other features of this machine to include printing, scanning and copying ~wirelessly~ but the fax has been the bane of my all-in-one existence. Well.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to a specialist which requires me to have a referral from my primary care manager (you HMO havers know what I am talking about) and it occurred to me because I have been seeing this doctor (and others) for some time that I should check to make sure that I still have a visit left on my current referral. I seriously do not want to even go to this visit, I really just want people to leave me alone, and here I am working overtime to ensure that I can attend. dumb. Anyway - the receptionist says that the only referral they have access to expired in November of 2007 which I know is wrong wrong wrong. So I say, I will have to get into my files and see if I can find my copy of it as I had been remembering that I had seen it recently in some stack or another because I had left it out for this very reason. When I finally got home today (from the dentist - BLECK) I searched and searched and found the referral. AHA! It is current! For one of my other specialists. *deflate* So I look some more and can't find the referral I am looking for that says I can go to this week's doctor. So....okay....dreaded activity number 7,985 - I call the HMO to see if they have a current referral for me for said doctor or not. They do. It does not expire until 08/08 - good for 4 visits. YAHOO! May I please have those dates again and the authorization number?? Thank you very much. So I call back to my doctor's receptionist and tell her that there is in fact a current authorization and she says okay, what we're going to need is for the HMO to fax us a copy of that referral. Grr. Can you do anything with just this authorization number? No ma'am. We need the paper. Grr. Okay! Let me see what I can do! (Tell me again WHY I am working so hard to go be invaded when I do not want to be invaded?) (Was that gross? Sorry. *blushes but does not delete*) So I decide to make one more concerted effort at dreaded activity number 6,435 - searching through my files...
What do you know? I found the correct referral for the correct doctor in the correct file. Ahhh.
Now I face a quandary. I have the referral. It needs to be faxed. I am going to be in the area this afternoon to take my daughter to the dentist (bleck) and can drop off the form, however I don't know for certain if I have used all the visits or not and so they need to have it in time to research if necessary during office hours because I do not want to be slammed with a $165 cancelled-at-the-last-minute-due-to-lunacy doctor bill.
It is now time to put on my big-girl panties and try the fax machine that lives right in my own living room and has been begging to fulfill its purpose. Here's the thing - our phone line is vonage(through the Internet), hooked up to our wireless router, blah blah blah *this is going to be soooooo complicated and could possibly wreck the delicate cosmo balance of me being able to access the Internet and my all-in-one machine of wonderment wirelessly from bed at any hour of the day or night. do I want to take this chance??* So, I take a few deep breaths. Lift up a prayer for mercy and pull out the 80lb manual. How to fax. 1. plug the phone line into the fax machine at correct, clearly labeled port. 2. enter number. 3. push green button.
Huh? What's this? I hear it. The noise. You know the noise of calling a fax machine. You've done it with the phone to your ear. You know the noise. HA! I immediately called the doctor's office(on my cell phone cause the vonage is still hooked up to the all-in-one [no, apparently it does not fax wirelessly. slacker.]) to see if it could really be true - my fax?? Yes. We have it here. *hoots, jumps, laughs ~ receptionist waits patiently* So, I ask her if she could now please verify for me if I have used all the visits or not and the saga goes on with please hold then we have to call the HMO can we call you back, blah blah blah. But who cares.
And I don't want to go anyway. AND, as I am now posting this story wirelessly from my bed - the cosmos are still in order. *insert some shout of victory like HOOAH but not HOOAH because we are not army*


IdahoAngie said...

your doing better then me. I have refused to get a printer/scanner/fax combo for that exact reason. I have a scanner/copier/printer combo. Well we don't have a phone line at the house either, only people that call the land lines are solicitors so we had the home phone shut off. But I haven't used a fax machine since I had that job in California and it was part of my job. You go girl! Think I'll stick to using kinko's LOL!

mel said...

Whew, I'm tired just reading this! Glad you conquered another irrational fear -- and that you survived to blog about it!

(new song posted over at my place)

Becky said...

Go you! I'm still in the dark ages. I don't even have a scanner (or all-in-one), and wouldn't know how to use it if I did.

Your references to the dentist cracked me up, because my dentist is named Dr. Blech (pronounced Bleck!). Which reminds me, I have to get on the horn and make some appointments. Ugh.

His Girl said...

okay! so many things!

first, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

second, I am so sorry you have to go to this dumb appointment and that ppl are making you work for it


overall... this is one of your best written stories ever! I loved every minute, laughed out loud and cheered at the end.

man, i love your humor.

God's Guitar Girl said...

I refuse to acknowledge the possibility of my printer being able to fax anything. If I deny its existence, it means I am clueless that it exists... Yes, excellent... :)

Shauna said...

You GO! That is awesome! I have the hardest time stepping out of my comfort zone. Especially when it's to try my hand at some technological doodad.

Jenster said...

Wow!! I never felt the slightest little hitch in the running of the universe!! You are so smart!!

Sorry you had to go to another doctor's appointment that you just really don't want to go to.

Marsha said...

I'm with you with the all in one thing! SCAREY...but once it goes through it's party time!

I hope your appointment goes/went well!